Marnisa (What's in a name?)

Marnisa gazing at the sky while having a cup of tea near the Galata Towers in Istanbul, Turkey

“What’s your name?, a client asked while I was working  inside the reception area. 

“Oh, my name is Marnisa,” I replied chuckling, mentally admonishing myself as to why I was given such a name.

“Mar-nee-sa? Really? It’s such a beautiful name”, she remarked.

I was taken aback by her compliment. It suddenly rendered me speechless. I have always taken my name for granted. I have always hated the name that my parents gave me.

It led me to explain to her the origin of my name.

“I was born in March….My father’s name was Nicanor and my mother’s was Susana. They took the first three letters in March and then combined it with one syllable each from their names, thus the name Marnisa was created.

I think in hindsight, they wanted to remind me that I have a piece of them.

I lost both of them early in life. Not having my parents for most of my life has rendered me confused and always struggling of what and who I want to become.

Admittedly, I struggled in making decisions. A parent’s guidance can be a deal breaker in anyone’s life.

I am not saying that all parents dole out good advice or guidance. However, even discussing the options with them would be a good eye opener thus helping you with a lot of considerations.

Our parent’s are our safety net from the harshness of life’s realities. Most parents want to shield us from a heart break or from a painful consequence of wrong choices.

Without that safety net, I became so critical of myself. In the end, I made a lot of wrong choices because of that voice in my head pushing me to make choices born out of selfish desires.

I was also very careless by wearing my heart out on my sleeve. I gave a piece of me to anyone who showed me kindness and affection. But in reality, they just want to take advantage of my loneliness and naivety.

Now there’s only few pieces left of me. I’ve lost myself by giving out so much of me.

Until, that person’s compliment about my beautiful name has suddenly changed my whole perspective about who I want to become.

As I told that person about how I got my name, I finally acknowledged something that I have hated for so long.

Yes, my name is beautiful and unique. I have decided to accept it from that moment on.  I will finally acknowledge that I am Marnisa, the woman that my parents brought into this world.

The naïve girl who dreamed of travelling the world, who wants to write a book about her kaleidoscope life……. And that is who she is…simply Marnisa.